i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
