At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
me + whiskey = a bad person
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
