new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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