Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
