The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
