I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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