I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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