After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
