i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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