Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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