If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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