absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
