guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
