i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
