I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
