My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
