Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
