You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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