so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
