You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
