I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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