my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
