NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just made my gag reflex go away.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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