he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
