He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
