My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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