If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
