Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
