Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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