i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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