can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
