Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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