I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there was a trapeze. enough said
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
