Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
