Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
