does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
