i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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