can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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