i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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