I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
