so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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