who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
