last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
