its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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