i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
