i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
