I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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