This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
