so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
