just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
