Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
