I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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