this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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