The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
