My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
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I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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