There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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