I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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