i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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