hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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