saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
