you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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