I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
