I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
