Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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