What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
