Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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