just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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