Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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