So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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