No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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