imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
