Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
