Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
